just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
