Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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