I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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