The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
