He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
