I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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