so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
