i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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