So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
