We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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