nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
