She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
