dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
