I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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