i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
