hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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