i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
