i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
