i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
