I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
