tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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