just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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