The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
