So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
