I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
