i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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