The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
