I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize