This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
