So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
