They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
