I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
