We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
