It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
