Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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