Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
