nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
