nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
