So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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