God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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