Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
