i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
two words...techno handjob
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize