You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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