I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
