Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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