Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she told me i tasted like america
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
