So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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