she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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