that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
