guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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