my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
