Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
