there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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