dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
