sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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