You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
