I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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