so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
