Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
