Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
