Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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