Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
