We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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