i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
