i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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